When fragile egos are involved, as they invariably are when we date, we’ll take anything for a boost.
My God, have I ever put my time in with the breadcrumbers.
If I’ve learned anything about casual sex, it’s that no one really knows what it means. My conflict throughout the past few years has been trying to figure out how to find the balance of being single and independent (basically just living my life, according to Queen Bey), while not reducing myself to just a “booty call.”While I know many women who are the ones who do the booty calling, it was not for me.
If I have sex with someone to whom I have absolutely no emotional connection, I’m kind of just phoning it in. I’d honestly just rather watch Netflix by myself than fake an orgasm with some random guy from Tinder.
Similarly, pre-existing depression and self-esteem issues (perhaps the result of early-life abuse or neglect) might cause a person to engage in casual sex in an effort to feel wanted and desired, if only for a few moments.For 50-plus types unwilling to walk — possibly rewalk — the path that leads to romance, rings and relocation, the prospect of a "friend with benefits" is looking less and less like a millennial indulgence.In a previous post, I wrote about Ashley Madison, a website and app designed to help married people engage in sexual infidelity.Done ostensibly to keep the other party interested, breadcrumbers keep the embers alight with random flirtatious texts, and the odd Facebook like, before receding back into obscurity for another while.You don’t need to be a pop psychologist to figure out just why this is so spectacularly effective.I got the same basic response that I get whenever I speak or write about that site, or about sexual infidelity in general: Many are appalled that infidelity is so prevalent and that it has been so thoroughly monetized, while others simply shrug their shoulders and say, “People have been cheating since the beginning of time. ” When I speak and write about casual sex among single people, I get a similar reaction.Many worry that society is crumbling because of "hookup apps" like Tinder, Blendr, Grindr, etc.They seem to feel that sexual activity without emotional connection and long-term commitment (such as marriage) is an E-Ticket to eternal damnation, depression, or low self-esteem.Meanwhile, others think the current digital hookup culture is a great way to be sexually active while single, and maybe even a good way to meet someone who might become a longer-term partner. In the post-Kinsey world, there is not a lot of research looking at the psychological effects of casual sex on those who do (or don’t) engage in it.Fine, I get it, you want to keep your options open.We’re at a point where dating has become a very loose term. It could mean you’re going out for meals in public, or you could just be two Millennials, f*cking and texting. So, what do you do when you want sex, but you don’t want feelings?