” It’s the announcement every mother hopes she’s lucky enough to make. Let your daughter see how he fits in with your family. As Steve Martin so beautifully said in Father of the Bride, “you worry about her meeting the wrong kind of guy, the kind of guy who only wants one thing …The arrival of a baby girl signals endless hopes and dreams of a future filled with dress-up dolls, pigtails and plaits, netball games and school dances. ” It’s the announcement every mother hopes she’s lucky enough to NEVER make. Then, you stop worrying about her meeting the wrong guy, and you worry about her meeting the right guy. Lamble says, “if you want to stay close to your adult child, it's important to accept their choices of partner …It’s so stressful because I have my own shiz to deal with. I also have a friend who does nothing but complain about her boyfriend and no matter what I tell her, she just doesn’t listen.Not to sound mean, but my family and school issues seem more important to me. At a certain point you start wondering, why are you even bothering to talk to me about it?Even if you can recite ten or fifteen specific times when he’s acted like a real jerk, doing everything from spoiling family functions to wrecking her credit history, you’ll probably find she’s got a pack of rationalizations to counter all of them.It doesn’t exactly hurt to remind her of the bad times he’s caused, but don’t tear your hair out expecting her to respond to facts alone.Stating the Facts Won’t Help Have you ever watched a horror movie and screamed, “Don’t open that door! It never works—the heroine always walks through the obviously dangerous door, right smack-dab into the carnivorous birds or league of zombies.Bad relationships are like that, except that the person keeps going back again and again for more no matter how loud you yell.
Unfortunately, in these situations it almost never works to come right out and complain.
Psychologist Jo Lamble says, “many girls go through a bad boy phase. He dyed his hair blue, wore no tie and smoked under the stairs at the train station. And before you know it, a dreaded conversation looms over you and your daughter like a cloud of bum-puffed cigarette smoke. The baby girl who once asked you to help her put her seatbelt on. Everyone’s in for a ride but you can make it to your destination. Because before you ban this boofhead from your home, Lamble suggests, “invite him over - a lot. It's about your daughter's happiness, not whether you like him or not.” Most of the time, it’s because we’ve all been there. Most of us clearly remember having our hearts broken by a guy who was never good for us.” Because that’s when the real problem starts, right?
It's a form of gentle rebellion.” And so many of us have been there. At the same time, I had a girlfriend dating a guy who went to an exclusive boys’ school with strict rules about the way they wore their uniform in public. But sometimes these relationships don’t pass as quickly as parents may like and they start to become toxic. Obviously if there are any signs of domestic violence, then it's a far more serious matter that needs to be managed carefully. The baby girl who liked it when you cut her grapes in half. I doubt my ex-boyfriend and his best friend would even remember this blip on their relationship rollercoaster. “We worry more about our daughters because we relate to the idea of getting hurt.
Last year, my friend lost her v-card to her boyfriend after one month of dating. They broke up three months after having sex, but ever since then, he’s been stringing her along.
My friend has been demeaned and used by him for the past year and a half – she knows that he doesn’t like her but continues to go back to him. I have been giving her the same advice for a year and a half and she refuses to listen. It feels like our friendship is based on talking about him.